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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Playing the What If Game

Sometimes things tend to get a little serious on the path of self improvement and personal growth. We focus on all that hasn't happened yet in our lives, and all the changes we still have to implement. So I thought I'd use this post to bring things back to a fun vibe, and introduce you to a game!

The What If game is a game that’s popular in law of attraction circles, but anyone can do it and I highly recommend it. Not only is it a ton of fun, but it instantly puts you in a better mood and is very effective in helping you create the life of your dreams.

The What If game is simple. Basically, the premise is this: Most of us, when we think of a goal we’d like to accomplish or a dream we’d like to manifest, or even something as simple as going to a cocktail party, we ask ourselves a series of questions that focus on the negative, i.e. “What if my business fails and I go bankrupt?” “What if I never lose this weight and stay like this forever?” “What if I go to this party and no one talks to me?” By asking ourselves questions like this from a standpoint of assuming the worst, we might think we’re preparing ourselves and preventing those things from happening. In actuality, however, we’re just taking ourselves further and further away from our desired scenario!

For example, say you’re at a cocktail party and want to go up to someone, but the only thoughts running through your mind are: “What if I say something stupid and embarrass myself?” or “What if I spill my drink on me?” If this is the case, not only are you going to be much less likely to actually take action and go up to someone new, but if you do go talk to them chances are you’ll be so nervous that you may actually spill your drink on yourself!

So to play the What If game, you begin asking yourself questions from a positive standpoint, i.e. that focus on what you WANT to happen. Using the same example from above, you could interrupt yourself from asking negative questions in your head and instead consciously replace them with questions like, “What if I tell a great joke and everything thinks I’m really funny?” or “What if this person knows someone who can help me find my ideal job/life partner?” Obviously, there’s no guarantee that any of the questions you’re asking will come true, but that’s not the point!

The point is to get your mind moving in a new direction, whereby you’re focusing on things from a more positive standpoint. You want to focus on the best-case scenario coming true rather than assuming the worst. If you read my post on Afformations, then you know the importance of asking your mind questions that focus on what you want to create rather than what you want to avoid. Whenever you ask yourself a question, your mind immediately goes off in search of the answer. By asking a question from the standpoint of what you want to attract, this directs your mind to focus on what you want to create. And we all know that whatever we consistently focus on becomes true in our lives.

Here’s another example: Say I want to manifest my ideal home, but I have no idea how that’s going to happen because I don’t have the money right now. Rather than getting frustrated and automatically giving up on my desire, I can ask myself:

• What if the sellers of my dream home drop the price drastically and I can now afford it?
• What if my dream home goes into foreclosure and I can buy it from the bank for a ridiculously cheap price?
• What if I win the lottery tomorrow and never have to worry about money again?

Get the idea?

Use whatever questions you like, and sometimes the more “out there” they are, the better! The purpose of this game is not to find answers to the questions, but rather to get in a place of thinking about your desires coming true. We get so attached to how our dreams our going to be delivered to us, and oftentimes we prevent things from making their way to us because we think they can only come through one single channel. This game helps you release your attachment to outcomes, and expand the possibilities in your mind of all the different ways your dreams can come true!

If the words “What if” don’t fully resonate with you, you can also use the words “Wouldn’t it be nice if…?” For example, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I win the lottery?” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if I lose ten lbs. overnight?” For even more fun, try playing this out loud with a partner or group of friends!

For additional resources on playing the What If game, check out the What If Up Club website, www.whatifup.com.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Solo on Valentine's Day

I was asking for suggestions for blog topics the other day on Twitter, and a dear friend suggested I write on the topic of being single on Valentine’s Day (I prefer the word “solo” to single). I thought it was a great idea, especially since Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching at the end of this week and I can already feel the tension beginning to rise around me!

So, what to do if you’re solo on Valentine’s Day? First and foremost, stop beating yourself up about it! It’s not that big a deal. Really, it’s not! In fact, lots of people in relationships dread Valentine’s Day as much as you do and would prefer to avoid it all together. Some couples even break up just prior to February 14 because the pressure is just too much too handle. New couples worry about whether they should celebrate the big day and what sort of gift to get their partner, while many long-term couples wonder why they continue to celebrate this holiday after so many years together. Honestly, Valentine's Day is not all it's cracked up to be!

If you’re still not feeling convinced, though, remember that loving yourself is key to any great relationship. Before you can truly love someone else and welcome them into your heart, you must start with a solid foundation of loving yourself. You’ve heard it before, but it’s true! Therefore, rather than feeling sad or depressed this Valentine’s Day because you’re not in a relationship, why not flow love and compassion towards yourself in order to get you ready for your next great relationship (which is on its way to you, whether you realize it or not!).

Instead of spending the day focusing on how you’re alone and you’d rather not be, spend the day focused on yourself and appreciating all that you are! Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate this day, too. After all, Valentine’s Day is about LOVE, and you can love yourself and love your life even if you’re solo!

One of the best ways to love yourself is to watch what you say to yourself in your mind, i.e. monitor your thoughts and self-talk. If you catch yourself thinking a thought that makes you feel bad or depressed, change it immediately to a thought that makes you feel better. We’re in control of our thoughts and can think anything we want. For example, I guarantee you that telling yourself things like, “I’m the only one without a date on Valentine’s Day” or “I’ll be alone forever” are going to make you feel horrible! Therefore, if you catch yourself thinking a thought like that, immediately cancel it and replace it with a thought that feels better. Some examples are:

• I've been in great relationships before, so I'll be in another great relationship soon.
• Being single is only temporary.
• I'm not going to let this day dictate how I feel about myself.
• I love and celebrate myself, exactly as I am!

Next, be sure to plan something special so that you’re not sitting at home alone feeling sorry for yourself. Invite some friends over for a dinner party, rent your favorite movie, or treat yourself to a massage! Remember, rather than using the day as an excuse to beat yourself up for being single, use the day as an excuse to celebrate you and everything you are. Take yourself shopping, get your hair done at the salon, or go to the gym and attend a yoga class. Do anything that makes you feel better about yourself and interrupts your pattern of feeling low because you’re solo.

Also, keep in mind that being single is very rarely a permanent state. Sure, you’re not in a relationship right now, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be single forever! In fact, being single is actually a pre-requisite for being in a relationship: when the right person shows up you have to be single so you're available to be with them. Besides, everyone who has a date this Valentine’s Day has been single at some point in their lives!

So if you're starting to feel anxious as Valentine's Day approaches, don't. It's only one day out of the entire year, and there are tons of couples who boycott the day entirely because there's too much hype surrounding it. Ultimately, only you are in charge of how you feel about yourself and this day doesn't have to be any different than the rest. You can still choose to feel beautiful, sexy, intelligent, fun, and madly in love with yourself, even if you're solo. :)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Owning Your Sexiness

Last week at my coach training, one of the greatest lessons I learned was that of owning my sexiness. Even though the majority of the week was focused on coaching techniques, we also underwent a lot of personal growth and transformation and I embraced the true definition of sexiness!

I’m here to tell you from personal experience, sexiness has nothing to do with looks. I’ll repeat that here, just to make sure you really get the message: Being HOT & sexually attractive has absolutely *nothing* to do with your looks!! (I tweeted this the other day and got lots of positive responses so I thought I’d write a blog about it).

Sure, we’re taught in our society that looks are the key to happiness in life, and that you’re only sexy if you look a certain way (tall, thin, gorgeous skin, etc.). But think of all the other societies across the world where an entirely different look is valued. For example, some societies actually think the sexiest women are those with the large, round hips and voluptuous bodies. In their societies, thinness is actually not considered attractive at all!

So if sexiness doesn’t have anything to do with looks, then what makes someone sexy and attractive to others? Here you go, so listen up! The truth is, sexiness is all about owning and embracing who YOU are. It means not trying to conform to society’s version of what sexy is, but conforming to what YOUR idea of sexy is! We are all unique, all completely different, with various qualities, strengths, and weaknesses. And owning and embracing who you are is the key to sexiness!

Being sexy means recognizing that you are incredibly dynamic and intriguing, just for being you, and allowing your light to shine through. It has to do with confidence, self-acceptance, and owning and embracing everything that you are! It’s knowing that you have so much to offer to this world, and being excited about sharing that with others. It’s about looking in the mirror and liking what you see, but also knowing that beauty is really created from the inside out and that what’s most important is on the inside.

So many of us spend so much time condemning ourselves because we’re not the perfect size, or the right height, or don’t have the right hair, or eye color, etc. Who really cares?! There is no one else on the planet exactly like you, and that makes you incredibly sexy!! Even if you’re an identical twin and your twin looks just like you, there are characteristics about your personality that make you uniquely you and distinct from your twin.

We’ve all had the experience of meeting someone who looks really sexy from the outside, but the minute we start talking to them we lose all interest in them. On the flip side, haven’t you met someone who didn’t look all that great to you at first, but the minute you got to know them and their personality they became so incredibly sexy to you? No matter what someone looks like on the outside, it’s really their inner beauty that captivates and attracts others.

So, what to do if you’re not feeling super sexy right now? Start by embracing your inner qualities and who you really are rather than focusing so much attention on your looks. Learn to feel your sexiness from the inside out! Make a list of all the reasons you love yourself and what makes you special. There are certain qualities you have that set you apart from others, and the more you focus on those the sexier you become! Don’t forget to write a love letter to yourself if you haven’t already!

Don’t believe me? Try it out for yourself! The next time you catch yourself not feeling very sexy, spend a few minutes focusing on all the things you appreciate about yourself (how smart you are, how good you are with kids, how loyal you are with your pets, etc.). Don’t you feel sexier and more confident already?!

Stay tuned later this week for my post on what to do if you’re single on Valentine’s Day. Hint: It has more to do with loving and embracing yourself as you are, rather than running out and finding any date you can! ;)