Welcome to my blog! Please be sure to also stop by my main site, www.selfhelpgoddess.com!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Loving Yourself: What Does It Mean?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne WilliamsonYou’ve probably heard it before, but it bears repeating here: self-love is the key to everything you could ever possibly want in life. Sounds great, right? But what the heck is self-love and how do you love yourself, especially when we’ve been taught our whole lives that love is for others?

Loving yourself means that you value and appreciate yourself, exactly as you are. It means recognizing that you are worthy of all the good things that life has to offer, just for being you! You are aware of all your strengths and positive aspects, and use them to your advantage. You are also mindful of your weaknesses and flaws, but you treat yourself kindly in spite of them. You realize that these are just qualities that you’re still working on and developing. :)

Above all, to me, loving yourself means expressing yourself, your entire self, authentically and without reserve, whether or not the world around you agrees with you. It means sticking to your path, even if you’re the only one currently on it. It means being the person you know deep down you are meant to be, even if the people around you would rather you be someone else entirely! Sure, there are times when fully expressing yourself is not appropriate to the situation at hand. On the whole, however, I believe it is extremely important to authentically be yourself as much as humanly possible.

Deep down, all of us have these amazing gifts, talents, and passions that we were born with and are meant to bring to the world. In fact, we have actually been given these specific passions and special gifts because we are *supposed* to be expressing them in our lives! So many of us stifle our self-expression, though, and just stick to the daily grind, doing the same thing day in and day out, and then wonder why things aren’t working out for us.

Here are some ways you can start loving yourself more today:

• Indulge in your passions, even if your family and friends don’t understand them or agree with them;

• Find a way to make money doing what you love, so you can ultimately pursue a career that truly gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment;

• Say no to activities that you really don't feel like doing, and instead spend the time at home relaxing or doing something you do feel like doing;

• Stop spending time with people you have nothing in common with, and start cultivating friendships with people you do share comment interests with;

• Surround yourself with friends who not only love and appreciate you as a person, but encourage you to go for your biggest dreams;

• Only entertain romantic relationships in which you are allowed to be the best possible version of yourself and shine your light freely, rather than having to hide who you truly are or play small to accommodate the other person.

These are a just a handful of suggestions to start loving yourself, but even implementing a fraction of any them will bring huge changes to your life! Not to mention, as explained in the above quote from Marianne Williamson, loving yourself and expressing yourself fully actually gives people around you permission to do the same. Rather than a world where everyone tries to play small to fit in and be liked by others, wouldn't the world be a much better place if we were all allowed to shine our light brightly, authentically be who we truly are, and freely use our unique gifts and talents to create lives we are truly passionate about?

I think so! :)

For more self-love tips and resources, be sure to check out the
self-love page
of my website.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Telling a New Story

The process of telling a new story is a highly effective technique for creating quick change in your life. In essence, everyone is always telling a story about how their life currently is, i.e. “I’m in a relationship that’s just not working, my friends are all moving away, I don’t really like my job, and overall my life is just okay right now.” Of course, stories can be positive, too! For example, “I absolutely love my life because everything always works out for me, no matter what happens. I’m pursuing my ideal career, and success comes to me at every turn. I’m in a rewarding and fulfilling relationship with my soulmate, and things just keep getting better and better, every single day!”

If your story about your life tends to sound more like the first one described above, have no fear! In order to create better results in your life, it’s as simple as changing your story to reflect one that is more like the second story described above (substituting whatever it is you really want to attract).

In order to change your reality or whatever you are currently experiencing, you need to start telling a new story. Whether you realize it consciously or not, right now you are telling a story of how things *are* in your life. To bring about change, you'll need to start telling a new story about the way you want things to be. Don’t focus on the way things are going now, focus on how you WOULD LIKE your life to be!

Not too long ago I heard about a couple that had won the lottery multiple times. Each time before they won their prize, they had actually been telling anyone who would listen that they had already won the lottery! They would tell the man behind the counter at the gas station, the waitress at their favorite restaurant, etc. Not long after they started doing this, they won the lottery, not once, but twice!

Currently, I am working with a lovely coaching client who is in the process of creating a new living situation because she wants to move out of the home she is living in. I encouraged her to start telling a new story, and actually begin looking at apartments and telling the rental agents she's looking for a new place to live! Even though she’s not quite ready to move just yet, she can still begin attending open houses and speaking to others as if she is currently in the market. Try this out in your own life, and before you know it your new reality will have arrived right before your eyes!

• If you're single, start telling a brand new story about how you're married to your one and only.

• If you're ready for a new job, tell others about how you just landed the career of your dreams.

• If losing weight is your goal, begin telling a new story about how you finally lost those stubborn last ten lbs. and you're feeling better than ever!

Tell this new story about how you want your life to look to anyone who will listen. If you have a friend, family member, or significant other who will play along, tell them your new story about your dream life as if it has *already* happened. If a telemarketer calls, go ahead and tell them your new story! They’ll never know the difference. If you don’t have anyone you trust or feel safe telling your new story to, be sure to at least tell this new story often in your own mind. Take a walk and talk to yourself about how wonderful your life is, how fulfilled you are, how well everything is going, how much money you have, etc.

**If you want to join a small, intimate group of like-minded creators who will be telling their new stories, creating their ideal lives, and having a TON OF FUN, sign up for my 4-week telecourse, which begins Tuesday, September 1. More details here.

Here's to some serious storytelling fun!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Relationships As Mirrors

Have you heard that what you don’t like in others is actually what you don’t like about yourself? Ouch!! I remember when I first read about this several years ago in Debbie Ford's book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams.I was taken aback, but also felt like I had stumbled across something that had huge potential to change my life and my relationships (romantic and otherwise).

When people first hear this, typically their reaction is something along the lines of: “There’s no way that’s possible. I can’t stand that person, so how can it possibly mean I am just like that person?!” If you dig deep enough and really look within yourself, though, eventually you can always see that whatever you are disliking in someone else can also be found somewhere within you. In fact, it is actually a part of yourself that you have disowned or not accepted, maybe years ago without your conscious awareness, and it is now trying to gain your approval and acceptance. Because you have not owned it within yourself, you have projected it onto someone else where it is more “acceptable.”

Here’s how this works: Say you have a boss or colleague at work that is SERIOUSLY getting on your nerves. This is probably not too hard for many of us to imagine! You probably know every last thing about them that annoys you on a regular basis. Instead of letting them get to you and giving them power over you, though, I encourage you to take back power over yourself!

The next time they irritate you, rather than just automatically getting annoyed and muttering to yourself how x, y, or z they are, identify what it is you don’t like about them and turn the mirror to look within yourself. Can you see within yourself that sometimes, in certain situations, you have a tendency to act like they act when they are being especially annoying? Can you think back to an occasion where you exhibited the same sort of behavior that they are currently exhibiting? Even just one time?

Once you’ve found that quality or characteristic within yourself (and it's there!), the next step of the process is to begin accepting yourself, in spite of having that characteristic. Hey, we are all human so there’s no use beating yourself up for it anymore! Begin to accept and own that quality within yourself, regardless of whether or not you think that particular aspect of yourself is a good or bad. Self-love is the name of the game folks, so just make a commitment to owning all the different parts of yourself, no matter what judgments you may have about them! Even if you ultimately want to change that aspect of yourself, you first have to accept it before you can ever truly change it.

What happens next is really amazing! Don’t be surprised if all of a sudden the person disappears from your life completely or just drops the behavior that was bothering you, sometimes instantly. The minute you accept that quality within yourself, either a) it won’t bother you so much in the other person because you realize that you have the same capacity to act in the same way at times or b) they will literally just stop exhibiting the behavior all together or will simply cease to exist in your life! It seems truly magical when this happens, but in fact it’s not magic at all. It's a process that works time and time again if you let it. Sometimes it may take owning and accepting those qualities within yourself a few times before you notice results in the outside world, but stick with it and things *will* change!

I recently read another book that I highly recommend, which reminded me of this “relationships as mirrors” phenomenon: John English's The Little Book on Relationship: How to Guide Your Life With Meaning, Purpose and Power.This book reminded me that using relationships as mirrors is not only helpful in mending relationships with others, but also as a tool for more deeply knowing ourselves. By taking back and owning the various parts of ourselves we have projected onto others through the years, we get to know ourselves as whole and complete human beings who have a variety of qualities that make each of us unique!

This phenomenon also works in reverse, i.e. if we notice positive characteristics in others, we get to take ownership of those as well! For example, say you have a friend or even a public figure that you admire to no end. They are successful, sophisticated, poised, gracious, etc. Guess what? The reason you are so drawn to those specific characteristics in them is because they exist within you!! You admire that person because you know you have the same potential as they do; you just haven't fully tapped into it yet. In the same way as described above, if you notice yourself admiring or praising someone else, shine the mirror within to see where you exhibit those traits as well. Trust me, they're there!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Are You Accountable?

In honor of doing my very first podcast last week (woo hoo!) on the topic of Accountability Partners, I’ve decided to devote this blog to the topic of accountability partnerships and being held accountable for our goals in general. Get more info about the podcast below, which I did with my real-life accountability partner, Ana Ottman, from Creatuitive Coaching.

For starters, do you know what an Accountability Partner is? Have you heard this term before? Basically, just like it sounds, an Accountability Partner is someone who holds you accountable for achieving your goals and dreams! You meet with them regularly (usually weekly or bi-weekly), and they help support you and keep you on track in making progress towards those things you are trying to achieve. You can meet with them in-person, over email, or on the phone, but the key is consistency and meeting with them regularly to keep them updated on your progress.

I know when I was completing my ebook , having an Accountability Partner was a huge reason I finished it when I did! Knowing that I would be meeting with Ana and reporting to her on what I had accomplished since the last time we met was a huge motivating factor for sitting my butt down and finishing my book. It was especially motivating on those days when it was 80 degrees and sunny outside and the last thing I wanted to do was stay inside and type away on my computer! No matter how motivated and excited you may be to accomplish a certain task you’ve set for yourself, I know first-hand how difficult it can be when you're distracted by the TV, your family and friends, the phone, social invitations, the weather, etc., not to mention those pesky little voices that sneak into your head and tell you you're not good enough, you'll never get this done, and on and on and on. Can you relate?

If you don't already have one, having an Accountability Partner could be the step you've been missing all along. Trust me, not wanting to appear "lazy" or "not serious about your goals" in front of another person can be a HUGE motivating factor to take steps you might not normally prioritize high on your to-do list. If you know you're going to be checking in with a partner regularly, there's a very high chance you will take action rather than run the risk of looking bad in front of the other person! Like it or not, winning other peoples' approval is still something most of us continuously strive for.

One of my friends on Twitter, @vibejourney, listened to the podcast and thought that Inspiration or Visionary Partners was a better term for this, and I tend to agree! Although Accountability Partners are in place to hold you accountable for doing what you say you will, I think the best partners are the ones who do so much more. For me, I think it’s also extremely important to find someone who will provide you with support, motivation, inspiration, and guidance, in addition to giving you a gentle but firm nudge if you get off track and need help finding your way back. It can also be helpful, although not necessary, to have a partner who's in a similar field as you so they can give you advice and suggestions based on their own experience. Most importantly, you want to find someone who can serve as a sort of cheerleader for when you finally experience success and your dreams come true! In essence, these individuals are there to inspire you and help you along your journey to creating the vision you have for yourself and your life.

I’m curious, have you used Accountability Partners before and if so, what was your experience like? Also, which term do you like better, Accountability Partners or Inspiration/Visionary Partners? I'd love to hear your responses below!

To hear the podcast and learn more tips about selecting the right person to be your accountability partner, as well as how to address any potential issues that may arise, go here.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Secrets to Creating Your Ideal Life

At long last, I'm proud to announce the release of my very first ebook, Secrets to Creating Your Ideal Life! It has been a dream of mine for several years now to write my own ebook, and I'm extremely happy with the way it turned out. I plan to create more products in the future, but I'm pretty confident that anyone who reads this ebook and implements the suggestions found within can make HUGE strides in making changes in their life and creating their ideal life!

Ever since I was a little girl, I've had a huge passion for dreaming big and making all of my wildest dreams come true. I believe that all of us have the capacity to make our dreams come to fruition in our lives, if we implement certain tools and techniques on a consistent basis. You will find these tools and techniques in Secrets to Creating Your Ideal Life, and I know that they work because I've used them to create great success in my own life!

After years of reading countless self help and personal growth books, I've implemented a TON of self help tools and techniques in my life. Some have worked with remarkable consistency, others have not worked for me at all. This ebook will tell you about the ones that work, and I've written it in a way that is very easy-to-understand and complete with several real life examples that will really resonate with you. Not to mention, I've actually included space in the ebook to do some of the exercises I've included. This is much more than a regular ebook; it's more like your personal workbook or manual for creating your ideal life!

Here is just a small sampling of what you will learn in this powerful ebook:

Secrets to Creating
Your Ideal Life

1. Learn How to Use the Law of Attraction Effectively to Get Results in Your Life ONCE AND FOR ALL.

2. Discover a Powerful Self-Love Exercise That Even Self-Help Gurus Like Jack Canfield Use in Their Own Lives!
(I personally learned this exercise from him.)

3. Be Guided Through an Exercise That Can Help You Win Back a Former Significant Other or Collect a Long-Standing Debt That Is Owed to You.

4. Find Out How to Make Even the “Worst” Situations Work Out to Your Advantage Every Single Time.

5. Get In Touch with Even Your Wildest Dreams, No Matter How Long Ago You May Have Forgotten About Them or Given Up on Them.

6. Learn Fun Tools & Techniques That Even the Most-Respected Authors & Coaches Out There Use In Their Daily Lives to Make Their Dreams Come True.

7. Prepare for Your Success In Advance So That It’s a Given.

8. Finally Be Happy, No Matter What Is Going On in Your Life.

9. Uncover Several More "Secrets to Creating Your Ideal Life."

*To see the complete Table of Contents right-click here and select 'Open.'

As you can see, I have included a lot of valuable information!! I am truly passionate about helping others create their ideal lives and am committed to sharing the knowledge I have learned over the years with as many people as possible. Everyone should have access to this information!

For more information (including my personal story) or to purchase your copy of this ebook and start living out the life of your dreams, go here now.

Aren't you ready to start jumping out of bed every morning with a sense of fulfillment and excitement about the day ahead?

I know I was! :-)