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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Owning Your Sexiness

Last week at my coach training, one of the greatest lessons I learned was that of owning my sexiness. Even though the majority of the week was focused on coaching techniques, we also underwent a lot of personal growth and transformation and I embraced the true definition of sexiness!

I’m here to tell you from personal experience, sexiness has nothing to do with looks. I’ll repeat that here, just to make sure you really get the message: Being HOT & sexually attractive has absolutely *nothing* to do with your looks!! (I tweeted this the other day and got lots of positive responses so I thought I’d write a blog about it).

Sure, we’re taught in our society that looks are the key to happiness in life, and that you’re only sexy if you look a certain way (tall, thin, gorgeous skin, etc.). But think of all the other societies across the world where an entirely different look is valued. For example, some societies actually think the sexiest women are those with the large, round hips and voluptuous bodies. In their societies, thinness is actually not considered attractive at all!

So if sexiness doesn’t have anything to do with looks, then what makes someone sexy and attractive to others? Here you go, so listen up! The truth is, sexiness is all about owning and embracing who YOU are. It means not trying to conform to society’s version of what sexy is, but conforming to what YOUR idea of sexy is! We are all unique, all completely different, with various qualities, strengths, and weaknesses. And owning and embracing who you are is the key to sexiness!

Being sexy means recognizing that you are incredibly dynamic and intriguing, just for being you, and allowing your light to shine through. It has to do with confidence, self-acceptance, and owning and embracing everything that you are! It’s knowing that you have so much to offer to this world, and being excited about sharing that with others. It’s about looking in the mirror and liking what you see, but also knowing that beauty is really created from the inside out and that what’s most important is on the inside.

So many of us spend so much time condemning ourselves because we’re not the perfect size, or the right height, or don’t have the right hair, or eye color, etc. Who really cares?! There is no one else on the planet exactly like you, and that makes you incredibly sexy!! Even if you’re an identical twin and your twin looks just like you, there are characteristics about your personality that make you uniquely you and distinct from your twin.

We’ve all had the experience of meeting someone who looks really sexy from the outside, but the minute we start talking to them we lose all interest in them. On the flip side, haven’t you met someone who didn’t look all that great to you at first, but the minute you got to know them and their personality they became so incredibly sexy to you? No matter what someone looks like on the outside, it’s really their inner beauty that captivates and attracts others.

So, what to do if you’re not feeling super sexy right now? Start by embracing your inner qualities and who you really are rather than focusing so much attention on your looks. Learn to feel your sexiness from the inside out! Make a list of all the reasons you love yourself and what makes you special. There are certain qualities you have that set you apart from others, and the more you focus on those the sexier you become! Don’t forget to write a love letter to yourself if you haven’t already!

Don’t believe me? Try it out for yourself! The next time you catch yourself not feeling very sexy, spend a few minutes focusing on all the things you appreciate about yourself (how smart you are, how good you are with kids, how loyal you are with your pets, etc.). Don’t you feel sexier and more confident already?!

Stay tuned later this week for my post on what to do if you’re single on Valentine’s Day. Hint: It has more to do with loving and embracing yourself as you are, rather than running out and finding any date you can! ;)


  1. You are turning around traditional thoughts of sexiness, Goddess! Could it be that sexiness is all about our relationship with our soul, perceptions of our self and the world, and our attitude? You make a strong case for it! Thanks for telling me about your journey.


  2. Hear Hear Mary! It's about time someone tackled this topic. I love your perspective on it- especially this: The truth is, sexiness is all about owning and embracing who YOU are.

    Sexiness comes from confidence, from security, from positive self-esteem. And yes, a deep deep appreciation for the beauty of your physical form (not the perfection of it, but the MIRACLE of it).

    So here's to feeling sexy, here's to loving yourself, here's to exuding confidence and beauty. And watch, just WATCH its magnetizing powers as you radiate hypnotically and attract admirers to you!

    Woo, I feel Sexy!

  3. Steve, yes! That's exactly what I'm talking about. I want everyone on this planet to know how sexy they are, deep down to their core, just for being exactly who they are! After all, once we feel sexy and confident internally we have no choice but to radiate that sexiness outward!

    Thanks for stopping by:) It's a pleasure to see you here!

  4. Deborah, amen! You and I are totally on the same page. Once we can all look at ourselves and see the beauty and miraculousness we all have within, it's a done deal that the rest of the world will look at us the same way!

    Glad I could help inspire you to feel more sexy:) And I'm especially glad to have others like you on this journey with me as well!

  5. Hey Mary, do you know what I think is really really sexy, especially about a man?? Delivering! (and you know who I am talking about LOL)

  6. This was a great post Mary, and you did a great job of leading the reader down the path of "self love and acceptance".

    While I wouldn’t be foolish enough to rule out the importance of attraction and chemistry on an individual level, I wholeheartedly agree that it really is “the inner beauty that captivates and attracts others".

    Your most powerful statement:

    Being sexy means recognizing that you are incredibly dynamic and intriguing, just for being you, and allowing your light to shine through. It has to do with confidence, self-acceptance, and owning and embracing everything that you are!


    Anyone who follows your wisdom and advice about exploring their “inner beauty” will realize that not “only” are they Sexy…

    but also…

    Brilliant, Funny, Kind, Wise, Thoughtful, Joyful, Captivating, Alluring, Charismatic, Confident, Strong, Vibrant, and Loving etc.

    “That” is what is Sexy, and “that” is what is attractive to others!

    Ps: anyone looking to explore their inner beauty would do well to hang with “both” you @SelfHelpGoddess and Ms Deb @deborahstewart – you both have the “sexy thing” down 

  7. Wow, John, you sure did deliver! Thanks so much for the awesome comment. I feel like you took the discussion to a whole new level! I love what you said about people exploring their inner beauty, which leads not only to sexiness, but to all the rest of the wonderful qualities we all hold within! Genius:)

    Thanks for stopping by, and especially for your comment. I hope to see you here more often!

  8. Hi Mary,

    Thanks for tweeting to me! I love your blog, we have a lot in common!

    I know that Self Love is irresistible and with your perspective, I see how very sexy that can be.

    Thanks for the great post!