Monday, February 8, 2010
Solo on Valentine's Day
I was asking for suggestions for blog topics the other day on Twitter, and a dear friend suggested I write on the topic of being single on Valentine’s Day (I prefer the word “solo” to single). I thought it was a great idea, especially since Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching at the end of this week and I can already feel the tension beginning to rise around me!
So, what to do if you’re solo on Valentine’s Day? First and foremost, stop beating yourself up about it! It’s not that big a deal. Really, it’s not! In fact, lots of people in relationships dread Valentine’s Day as much as you do and would prefer to avoid it all together. Some couples even break up just prior to February 14 because the pressure is just too much too handle. New couples worry about whether they should celebrate the big day and what sort of gift to get their partner, while many long-term couples wonder why they continue to celebrate this holiday after so many years together. Honestly, Valentine's Day is not all it's cracked up to be!
If you’re still not feeling convinced, though, remember that loving yourself is key to any great relationship. Before you can truly love someone else and welcome them into your heart, you must start with a solid foundation of loving yourself. You’ve heard it before, but it’s true! Therefore, rather than feeling sad or depressed this Valentine’s Day because you’re not in a relationship, why not flow love and compassion towards yourself in order to get you ready for your next great relationship (which is on its way to you, whether you realize it or not!).
Instead of spending the day focusing on how you’re alone and you’d rather not be, spend the day focused on yourself and appreciating all that you are! Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate this day, too. After all, Valentine’s Day is about LOVE, and you can love yourself and love your life even if you’re solo!
One of the best ways to love yourself is to watch what you say to yourself in your mind, i.e. monitor your thoughts and self-talk. If you catch yourself thinking a thought that makes you feel bad or depressed, change it immediately to a thought that makes you feel better. We’re in control of our thoughts and can think anything we want. For example, I guarantee you that telling yourself things like, “I’m the only one without a date on Valentine’s Day” or “I’ll be alone forever” are going to make you feel horrible! Therefore, if you catch yourself thinking a thought like that, immediately cancel it and replace it with a thought that feels better. Some examples are:
• I've been in great relationships before, so I'll be in another great relationship soon.
• Being single is only temporary.
• I'm not going to let this day dictate how I feel about myself.
• I love and celebrate myself, exactly as I am!
Next, be sure to plan something special so that you’re not sitting at home alone feeling sorry for yourself. Invite some friends over for a dinner party, rent your favorite movie, or treat yourself to a massage! Remember, rather than using the day as an excuse to beat yourself up for being single, use the day as an excuse to celebrate you and everything you are. Take yourself shopping, get your hair done at the salon, or go to the gym and attend a yoga class. Do anything that makes you feel better about yourself and interrupts your pattern of feeling low because you’re solo.
Also, keep in mind that being single is very rarely a permanent state. Sure, you’re not in a relationship right now, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be single forever! In fact, being single is actually a pre-requisite for being in a relationship: when the right person shows up you have to be single so you're available to be with them. Besides, everyone who has a date this Valentine’s Day has been single at some point in their lives!
So if you're starting to feel anxious as Valentine's Day approaches, don't. It's only one day out of the entire year, and there are tons of couples who boycott the day entirely because there's too much hype surrounding it. Ultimately, only you are in charge of how you feel about yourself and this day doesn't have to be any different than the rest. You can still choose to feel beautiful, sexy, intelligent, fun, and madly in love with yourself, even if you're solo. :)