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Thursday, June 11, 2009

Part Two: Addicted to Perfectionism?
"Wreck this Journal!"

Welcome to part two of the Wreck This Journal experience!

I must say, I’ve been having a lot of fun with this and have already noticed changes within myself that I think came directly from this adventure. I’ve included some pictures this week, so you can see what I’ve been up to. (To see what I had to say about part one, go here.)

Below is a picture of my actual journal, and as you can see it’s already well on its way to being destroyed… ;) Here I've ripped the cover, cut through several layers of pages, cracked the spine, and written on the side of the book opposite the spine.

The instructions for the page below said to "Scribble wildly violenty with reckless abandon"... and I did! It's hard to see in the picture, but I actually tore the page because I was scribbling so violently. Haha.

Finally, here's the picture I'm most proud of... This page instructed me to draw lines with either a pen or pencil, then lick my finger and smear the lines. For some reason, this provoked so much anxiety in me that I decided to REALLY GO FOR IT! So instead of smearing pen or pencil marks, I decided to smear chocolate syrup and mustard on the page!! And let me tell you, it was gross and fun all at the same time:) One of the future instructions is to sleep with the book in your bed, so I may need to re-evaluate that after this last wrecking.


Other things I did this past week to wreck my journal:

• Stood up high and dropped the book
• Ripped a page out and crumbled it up
• Cut one of the pages out, made a funnel with it, and drank water from it
• Bent and tore several of the pages

I have to admit, I really am starting to feel more liberated and am noticing changes within myself. I seem to be more accepting of my "flaws", or things I didn't necessarily like about myself before. For example, I think I'm going to be posting an introduction video of myself on my website soon! Up until now this just made me feel entirely UNcomfortable. Now I tell myself, "Eh, there are lots of people using video on their sites these days, and there's no reason I can't."

Another thing that I am really proud off is that I ripped up pictures of an ex-boyfriend! I had been hanging onto these for YEARS, but the other morning I just woke up, and rip, rip, rip! Just like that:) And afterwards I felt so much lighter and open to new experiences and people... I've also noticed that I've been throwing out other things around my place that I've been hanging onto for entirely way too long.

It's funny because as I'm doing the exercises in the journal, I definitely feel a knot of anxiety or just uncomfortable tension in my chest that does not feel good at all. Once I do the exercises, though, the tension dissipates and I'm finding that the anxious tension I feel in my life as a whole is dissipating. I've noticed I'm easier on myself and not so demanding that everything be perfect. I'm allowing myself to be ME... and that is a great feeling :)

Here's to breaking the addiction to perfection once and for all!

In case you're wondering, it's not too late to join in on the fun! To join the group of us going through this together or to just follow along with how others are wrecking their journals, go here.


  1. Yay for punching perfectionism in the face! I've been discovering this, too. It's so freeing to both to wreck a book, be encouraged to not follow directions, & make a mess. I can't wait to see how we all come out the other side in another month!

    Happy wrecking!

  2. Wonderful sharing. I love the cup exercise with water too. Your mustard and chocolate page was something else. Glad wrecking is moving you through things.

  3. Magpie used the word "wreck star" and that's totally what you are! Way to wreck it out this week - from chocolate and mustard to ex-boyfriends getting the shred to being gentler on your beautiful safe.

    I'm just imagining all that might happen if you used the mantra, "there's no reason I can't."


  4. I have a feeling I will not be able to be so TOUGH on my journal! haha

  5. Oh I'm stuck with perfectionism too.
    Slowly slowly I'm working out of it with this book. What a riot!

  6. Oh, you are goood! here's to breaking the tension!!

  7. It is quite different to wreck a book on purpose isn't it? I am learning too!

  8. I love the chocolate and mustard smears - and that your taking the instructions and giving it your own personal twist!

    I too am contemplating a video entry before we're through. Maybe you'll inspire me?!

  9. Oh! I love how this experience has translated into other aspects of your life! Vive la liberation! :) The mustard and syrup page is inspired! I might do the same with nutella and peanut butter! :)

  10. Woohoo! Hooray for breaking through boundaries and feeling more free!

  11. I love that you wrote about the transformation you are feeling in yourself. Way to go on ripping up those photos!

  12. Perfectionism is just another way of expressing inner dialog and content based thinking that keeps us from living our lives in the present moment.

    Anything that keeps us from experiencing the Now takes us away from our true selves. The consciousness that observes our lives lived "In The Now".

    Perfectionism is no different than any other dysfunction in that it keeps us from seeing the perfection that already is. It stops appreciation for the moments themselves as they unfold, wishing they were something else.

    A very sad state...

  13. Oooooooooooo Mary! I love it!! I'm going to get one too :D At first I thought you'd burned the page then I saw it was syrup and mustard lol. Way to go LIBErATION!!

  14. Wow! I love your page smeared with mustard and chocolate sauce! How brave of you. I am somehow resisting even doing the "Document your dinner" page (I keep forgetting to do it night after night!). Thanks for your honesty in sharing your feelings that you are noticing. You are an inspiration!

  15. lookin' good, lookin' very good!! ;)

  16. Yah, here's to wrecking the blocks of perfectionism! :) Wreck on!!